Most arguments end prior to a completely successful resolution. They usually end at a place called the impasse, where each party sees no resolution in sight. It is at this juncture that frustration sets in, anger often escalates, and the argument becomes a fight.
impasse is perhaps the most difficult aspect of an argument to control.
Most people approach their differences “nose to nose,” in other words
as adversaries competing for what they want. The impasse looks to them
like an unsolvable rift be it in wants, needs, perceptions of who is
right or wrong, etc. They give up out of frustration and either resign
themselves to unhappiness or begin to plan how they can get what they
want without the cooperation of the other. Even after the anger
subsides, a false peace may be achieved but unless the issue has been
truly resolved it is destined to rear its ugly head at some later point
with the combined force of both the past upset and the present.
key to resolving the impasse is to go from being nose to nose to
sitting shoulder to shoulder, viewing your differences as a problem that
must be solved. Put the problem in front of the two of you with the
conviction that it is unacceptable to walk away from it until the two of
you have figured out a mutually good enough resolution.
be it a spouse, a friend, co-worker, if you win an argument, if you get
your way, you now have to live with the loser. We all know how we feel
when we lose at something; defeated, bitter, frustrated, possibly even
vengeful! Do you really want to live with that person? Besides, in many
cases the person we are arguing with is someone we care about or love.
We should care about their needs and wants getting met as much as our
own and demonstrate it in our words and actions.
concept of the Win-Win solution is that whatever final agreement or
resolution is reached, it must feel genuinely good enough to both
parties! Always approach an argument with the conviction that it isn’t
over until both of you are feeling good about the solution. And if all
else fails, consider if it is in your best interest to be right and come
out the winner, or to happy.